Choosing Again

I put up a post yesterday right before Shabbos. 

Shared it directly with a couple of people, otherwise just let it exist.

Shabbos is supposed to be a day of rest. 

Instead I felt a kind of dis-ease. 

I felt like the raven Noach sent out, circling without rest and never landing.

At first I thought it was just life, the usual noise of the week catching up once the noisy toys are turned off. 

Only later, once the kids were asleep, did I realize it was me.

The post had come from ego, wanting to prove something.

But I’m not writing to prove anything. 

I’m not working on myself to prove anything.

I’m working on myself to work on myself. 

The journey is just as important, maybe more so, than the destination.

So I let it go. 

A couple hours after Shabbos I took it down.

Thank you ego, for reminding me I’m still flawed, still learning, still human. 

Thank God for the healing and connection I’ve found, which keep showing me I don’t have to stay stuck.

It feels good to notice. To pause. To choose again. 

To try and be more like the dove, given another chance to return with life in its beak.

L’chaim!